on feeling better from the office

For years, I worked from home at a job I got because my friend was vacating hers and her boss didn't seem to care that much who took it as long as he wasn't without an assistant. Working from home is one of those things I won't say shouldn't be happening – I agree that in office requirements are often more about corporate real estate interests and managerial control than getting work done – but it made me personally miserable. Sitting in my apartment all day everyday entirely alone without even the faux socialization of consistent meetings some people have when they work corporate email type jobs. Not having a commute is nice, but the last year I worked that job was the most miserable I've been since 2020-2021 when I was in law school that was forced online. Not so coincidentally, that was also the last time I was spending all my time alone in my apartment not talking to anybody all day.

I quit my job in the spring spurred by a bout of online harassment and threats that made me think, maybe dramatically, "if someone did kill me right now, would I be happy I've spent the last two years miserable and alone in my apartment working a job I hate?"

I got a new job a few months later that requires me to go into an office everyday.

For a while, I was taking the bus from my apartment all the way downtown, across the river, getting off kitty-corner from the revolving door entrance to the big corporate office building I work in now. Now I walk to the Metra stop near my apartment and take it the two stops south to get off at Ogilvie. The ride is about 17 minutes south and 13 minutes north, a significant improvement over the 45 minute to an hour bus ride. I like the extra walk in the morning from the station to my office and the extra $1.50 it costs to take the train is mostly balanced out by how frequently the Metra employees don't get to me to check my ticket before I get off.

My job isn't that interesting, obviously, but I like it fine enough. I kind of like office buildings in a certain way. I like going to get a coffee on the floor below the one I work on because it has an espresso machine instead of a regular drip coffee machine. I like talking to my coworkers about minor in office drama and their kids and showing them photos of my new nephew while we attend little in office events for holidays. I like talking to the bike messengers who show up to take our packages around the Loop to other big corporate buildings. Every little conversation is an improvement over the silence of days stuck inside waiting for a Slack message.

My actual job aside, I really just like the ritual of the week. I like feeling the ebb and flow of the Loop when most offices that are hybrid still. On Mondays and Fridays, I don't sit next to anybody on the trains and buses I take. Tuesday through Thursday those seats are taken by the men in their quarter zips and suits or women in their heels and trench coats.

During my lunch I walk past Scabby the Rat informing us the (already depressing) construction on the Thompson Center is not union then I cross the street and walk past couples in suits and wedding dresses outside City Hall. Some people congratulate those couples, some offer smiles, but everybody will divert around the sidewalk landscaping and planter boxes to avoid interrupting wedding photos as they walk to get a bowl of whatever in the middle of their day.

On the way home I'll see small groups of men drink beers and canned cocktails they bought from the microbars and bottle shop that live between the platform entrances. They chat on the upper level of the train in corporate branded clothing on their way back to the northside suburbs the train continues onto after my stop.

As I've been re-establishing a daily relationship with traveling through the city, t's hard to not think about the way Chicago is portrayed by our federal government as ICE has terrorized the city. There were whispers around the office before Mexican Independence Day celebrations and planned protests. We were told to try to leave early and to be aware. People get stopped on their way out of the city. Everyday there are new terrifying videos from different neighborhoods of unidentifiable ICE agents in masks causing chaos.

The more time I have to spend outside my apartment the more I feel my relationship with everything getting better. It's easy to become cynical and depressed when you're never around anybody else. Going outside can feel pointless when you never have to.

I like music more when I'm sitting on the train or walking across the river everyday. I want to go see more movies. I've thought about going to the ballet for the first time ever. I know what musicals and comedy shows are on at the theaters around my job. I stop by the grocery store that's across from the train platform with the flood of other people who just got off work to buy ingredients to make recipes I printed off at the office. There is an internal momentum to my life that I've missed.

I'm sure lots of people don't need to be forced out of their houses by a job to not become internal and anxious and jaded and negative. Lots of people don't live alone so it doesn't get as bad as it did for me. But I do live alone and it does help me to be coaxed out by work and I'm probably not alone. I know I'm not when I go online and read about people in "relationships" with AI or people deep into discord bullshit or about weird, ultimately selfish behavior in public spaces that everybody seems to think stems from COVID. I need the routine, even if it's more annoying to have to get up earlier than I used to. The path of least resistance isn't the best. It's good to not give my more antisocial habits an opportunity to fester.

I've mostly been listening to the new EP from Parts Work (Frances Quinlan and Kyle Pulley's new project) lately. I think "No Flowers" is a brilliant song. Just a testament to what makes Frances Quinlan one of my favorite songwriters ever.

I've also been considering what my favorite songs of the year are as we're winding down into list season and my answers are usually led off by "For The Cold Country" by Black Country New Road. Just an unimpeachably beautiful song. "Rome, New York" by Greg Freeman is one I really love too. I saw him play recently opening for Grandaddy and I was so charmed by the whole performance.

I love "Nights in Armor" by Water From Your Eyes mostly as I walk to and from the coffee shop that's next to the Civic Opera building. I love "My New Shirt" by My Wonderful Boyfriend as I walk to Walgreens to emergency buy a sewing kit or cat food or whatever. I love "Guess We'll See" by Options as I walk past women who just got married at City Hall changing their shoes into something more comfortable. I love "Cobra" by Geese when I take the brown line to the movie theaters I like best.

Recently on my podcast Endless Scroll we did an episode about Tame Impala that I think is really good. Check it out!

We also did a series on Pavement. The first one about the first two albums is available to everybody, but for just $5 we have two other episodes available on our Patreon about the last three albums and also the movie!

Miranda Reinert is a music adjacent writer, zine maker, podcaster and law school drop out based in Chicago. Check out PDFs of most of my zines at the link on the top of the screen. Follow me on Twitter or Bluesky to hear more about the stuff I see around my job: @mirandareinert.  This blog does have a paid option and I would so appreciate any money you would be willing to throw me! You may also send me small bits of money at @miranda-reinert on venmo/on Paypal if you want. As always, thanks for reading!